My feelings are mixed on Youtube Idol

I made it through to the next round (round 4) in this Idol search competition on youtube; and though I tell myself that I'm just having fun, it's nerve-racking in the eliminations. lol. I don't know how ppl do it on American Idol!!

Ok, so that's not totally true. I did Showtime at the Apollo and wasn't as nervous. Why is that? this is just youtube idol, right?
Who knows, but I'ma get more serious about it, I think, though it's still fun to learn the new songs and be a part of a community. I hear that I'm creating some controversy with a few of the judges, but I figure that's a good thing for the contest and for me. Good to have your name on people's lips whether it's good or bad (according to Madonna).

I figure they'll vote me off before it gets crucial and it will have been fun for all. Life is so interesting. Sometimes you can surprise yourself.